Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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