K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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