Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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