apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
