I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
