my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
