You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
