i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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