kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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