defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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