there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
