I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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