its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
