I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
