If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I look better un-naked...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
