I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize