Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
