Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
