he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
