i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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