gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Less talking, more tequila
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
