I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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