He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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