I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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