He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
