I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
