we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
