Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
