Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
