I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
