We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
