I wanna bring you to show and tell
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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