There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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