Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
