i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
