Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
