i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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