I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
