Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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