I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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