my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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