OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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