areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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