My first STD was from a foam party
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
