Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
