i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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