he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
