As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
