I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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