it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
