Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
