i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
