you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
