Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have aggressive nipples.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
