NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
