Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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